6:38 PM

Gotta Go!

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies!~ Prissy

And I don’t know nothin’ bout raisin’ babies. That’s the only disclaimer I know to offer. So, without further delay, let’s jump into a blog matter I’ve wanted to address for some time. I can only imagine the many monumental moments of motherhood. Your child’s first tooth, first birthday, first steps, first day of kindergarten, first time to camp, etc. I get it, and I love hearing about it. What I don’t “get” is potty training and the need for so many to share this time of their child’s life in detail on a blog…that’s open to the rest of the world. And what’s up with the passive aggressive blogging about “my oldest was trained by 19 months”? Gold star to you…and your child. (Between you and me, I think you’re lying.)

Diapers cost over $40.00 a week and I get that. At least I got a little enjoyment from the $40.00+ I spent on drinks last night. At least Pampers come with coupons. I missed happy hour and was forced to pay full price. I had to digress for a moment.

I don’t mind reading “we bribed him with M&M’s” or “we promised a trip to Chuck E. Cheese.” I appreciate a little bribery and can always read about chocolate. But I draw the line with discussions about “going commando,” “tinkle in the froggie potty,” and “doo-dee in the big potty.” The pictures of your child reading OK Magazine on the froggie potty are cute, but save them for the baby book….not the blog. Why not wait and save the pictures for the day when your 13 year old daughter is being a bit sassy with you in front of her equally sassy girlfriends? Now, that's bribery at its best.

But for the love of Underoos, please don’t start a three part blog series about the potty training experience. If you feel so inclined, just message me. I’ll talk you through it. Most likely, I’ll just bribe you with a night on the town with me. We’ll take the $40.00 you just saved on diapers and my credit card, and I’ll show why I know nothin’ bout raisin’ babies.

9:02 PM

Carrie Googles a Lovah

I did it before Carrie did it. I Googled a boy. And since the first time I Googled a boy, I bet I've Googled a 100 boys (maybe just 25). I've even done a few background searches, but that's a story for another day. Needless to say, I was the first person I knew to Google boys (don't you like the reference to boys instead of men?...trust me, they've all been boys). The point is that I had been Googling boys long before Carrie Googled Aleksandr Petrovsky. Nothing good ever comes out of Googling....or Facebook stalking. Carrie found that Alek had a way with the women and I found out......

I briefly dated a boy three years ago. Well, I really don't know what dating means anymore. But we talked on the phone quite a bit, cooked for each other, and exchanged a few texts before texting became the norm in this dating world. It was never meant to last more than three minutes. We were both hard headed and fought for who could be the most sarcastic. Plus, he was an ass. Seriously, he's on the top then list. And boy did that keep me interested for too long...and his forearms...he had incredible forearms. We occasionally talked or texted the past two years. About six or eight months ago he started calling/texting on a regular basis wanting to hang out. Except he wanted to hang out when it was dark outside. Get my drift?

I digress. Back to the point....I was Facebook stalking one day (not even him) and ran across a girl who had an open profile. Cute girl. We have seven mutual friends. Don't you love it when you find people you don't know but share seven mutual friends with each other? I opened her profile...she seems like a nice girl. Then, I had to go and open her pictures. She likes to travel...to the beach...to the slopes. And she travels with...him. The boy mentioned above. No lie...they've been dating for at least 18 months, and he'd been calling/texting me.

Once again, I was caught sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.